It happened: A mob of screaming people, clad in white, black, red, and gold, waving flags, banging on their drums. And you’re slap bang in the middle. No, it’s not war – it’s worse. It’s football. The 2016 UEFA European Championship, to be precise. Fear not! If you pay heed to our advice you’ll survive being caught behind enemy lines – probably.

 

Don’t call it soccer. Just don’t. The ball is played with your feet, thus: football. American football is mainly throwing an egg-shaped ball around and should be called handegg. 

 

Do ask for clarification about rules. Fans love explaining why the referee should’ve red-carded a particularly nasty foul or what’s up with the offside rule.

 

Don’t insist that it shouldn’t be called “public viewing” but rather “public screening”. We know. It’s a thing. Remember how we call our mobile phone “Handy”? Just go with it.

 

Do talk about your country – your traditions, your language, your football team. How do you usually watch football: at home, with friends or on a huge canvas in your local stadium? Engage with those around you and connect with people.

 

Don’t make fun of people for waving the German flag (any flag really) or showing national pride. Don’t disrespect our national Anthem (or any of them). This is the one time we’re not scared of being called Nazis for being proud of our country. Don’t take that away from us.

 

Do have a good time, cheer for your team and tease rival fans. Drink if you want to or have a chanting competition – as long as it’s all in good fun. Be mindful of others.

 

Don’t be violent, get too drunk to handle yourself or (sexually) harass someone. Don’t punish other fans if your team messes up.

 

And if you couldn’t care less about football (or sports in general): just say the word. You’ll easily bond with other people over a shared animosity of the caveman-like behaviour of some of the more fanatical fans. Just remember to avoid gathering points like the Bermuda3Eck on a match day.

 

Above all: Do as you would be done by. It’ll all be over soon enough.